Because of the discovery of SEVEN THOUSAND THREE HUNDRED TONS of radioactive material buried in and around the Olympic Stadium in London 2012 the Queen of England in a conference call, has asked for advice from Lord Muck of Londonderry, whom she is due to meet shortly at Stormont, the sectarian Parliament for a sectarian people in British Occupied Ireland. He did not after all become Lord Muck without good reason. So let's back up a little to remind ourselves just exactly how he earned his title.
The Groom of the Stool is normally an English groom or a male servant, who has the job of cleaning the Queen or King's arse, after a bowel movement. When the Queen goes on State visits overseas, sometimes the Groom of the Stool goes with her, on other occasions the honour falls to some selected individual, who can be absolutely trusted and cleared by all of Britain's secret services after stringent security checks. A gentleman with the nickname of Muck Guinness who has served as the Queen's Praetorian guard in Ireland for many decades, during the troubles, was chosen for the role, on the Queen's state visit to the Irish free state, before he became a Presidential candidate in the neo-colonial state last year.
Over the centuries the role of Groom of the Stool, has evolved into licking the Royal's arse, after they discovered a pleasurable sensation, when the Groom of the Stool acquired the art of what is contemporarily known as rimming. Henry VIII had Sir Henry Norreys, a Groom of the Stool executed, because he went a bit far performing his duties, on every orrifice of the King's wife's body, a woman who became Queen, otherwise known by the name of Ann Boylan who was from Ireland. Henry had her name changed to Ann Boleyn, because she worked as a prostitute in Laurencetown in County Galway and preferred the services of the groom's tongue to Henry's.
After the Ann Boylan episode and the execution, Henry VIII's awarded the title Groom of the Stool, to a minion of the King, who licked, along with other court companions and kept an eye on each other for the King, as they attended to the King whenever he had a bowel movement. They also carried out a variety of other tasks within his private rooms but this has been censored by Indymedia Ireland. The position of Groom of the Stool was especially prized, as it allowed unobstructed access to the Royal's attention with intimate favours like Lord Muck currently.
A list below of those who have worked as Groom of the Stool in the British Royal Household, with the exception of the present incumbent, whose official name remains a closely guarded secret under the British Official Secrets Act but may have connections to Indymedia Ireland. However Muck Guinness has officially been chosen as trusted Groom of the Stool, to lick the Queen's arse during her forthcoming Irish visit to British Occupied Ireland. He is believed to have served his apprenticeship in this role, with various other officials from the other Palace along the Thames and is believed to have swallowed a considerable amount of endangered Royal faeces and urine already.
Queen Elizabeth is believed to poo sparingly except after gin binges and she has been taking elocution lessons for her forthcoming Stormont Irish trip, which will include her asking questions like, "Oi! where's the Bog, Muck?" "Come on our fella give us a lick !" or "Pog Mo Shon Galla, oinseach" in a north of Ireland accent. Bog is the English version of her potty.POg Mo Shon is Gaelic for Lick my Arse ! It is believed that she will travel to Ireland with her own toilet seat, so that her Royal Arse does not touch the same seat, as the arses of her loyal Irish commoners or her west Brit peasants not to be confused with citizens of the Irish free state, won for citizens north and south of the border with considerable sacrifice. It is believed that Muck Guinness has unclogged the septic's of hundreds of commoners from the other palace on the Thames, before scrounging for arse biscuits, behind the Windsor's.
Originally the title Groom of the Stool referred to the arselicker or whoever served in that royal capacity. So for example the Muck Guinness title would become Queen Lizzie's Arselicker as well as Chief of Staff.. Later it referred to the long trailing robe of the Queen from the Latin stola, which Muck Guinness would be obliged to carry around British Occupied Ireland after the Queen's visit. It is believed that Muck Guinness as holder of the position during the forthcoming Queen's visit, will become a senior Lord of the Bedchamber or Prince-consort of the Queen's Man of the Robes, when he will be officially become known as Lord Muck of Londonderry.
Lord Muck we have learned has advised the Queen to sell the SEVEN THOUSAND THREE HUNDRED TONS of radioactive dirt to Iran, whom MI6 claim are trying to build an atomic bomb, There is enough radioactive dirt, disturbed because of Olympic excavations in east London, to enable the Iranians to build 500 atomic bombs.Lord Muck has then advised the Queen with true Muck treachery, that as soon as they have moved the considerable quantities of radioactive dirt, to inform the Israeli's of the arrangement, so that they can nuke Iran immediately. So its Goodnight Tehran, hello a nuclear free Olympic Games.
Lord Muck has further advised his Queen, to enlist the services of both BP petroleum and DOW Chemicals with the subsequent clean up-operation. Both British companies who are already Olympic sponsors, have considerable experience after BP almost wiped out single handedly, the natural environment of North America from Alaska to the Gulf with oil spills, while DOW has walked away from wiping out thousands of Indians with chemical explosions. Both have acquired considerable cover-up experience and greenwashing tactics as official sponsors for the Games. So we can expect plenty of muck and excitement for the games, with nuclear explosions, poverty riots and human right protests, at what has already become known as the Scum Olympics of London 2012.
Lord Muck has been preceded by the following;
Grooms of the Stool to Charles II
1660: William Seymour, 1st Marquess of Hertford
1660–1685: Sir John Granville
Grooms of the Stool to James II
1685–1688: Henry Mordaunt, 2nd Earl of Peterborough
Grooms of the Stool to William III
1689–1700: Baron Hans Bentinck
1700–1702: Henry Sydney, 1st Earl of Romney
Grooms of the Stool to Queen Anne
1702–1711: Sarah Churchill, Countess of Marlborough
1711–1714: Elizabeth Seymour, Duchess of Somerset
Grooms of the Stool to Prince George
1683–1697: John Berkeley, 3rd Baron Berkeley of Stratton
1702–1704: Henry Sydney, 1st Earl of Romney
Grooms of the Stool to George I
1714–1719: Lionel Sackville, 1st Duke of Dorset
1719–1722: Charles Spencer, 3rd Earl of Sunderland
1723–1727: Francis Godolphin, 2nd Earl of Godolphin
Grooms of the Stool to George II
1727–1735: Francis Godolphin, 2nd Earl of Godolphin
1735–1751: Henry Herbert, 9th Earl of Pembroke
1751–1755: Willem Anne van Keppel, 2nd Earl of Albemarle
1755–1760: William Nassau de Zuylestein, 4th Earl of Rochford
Grooms of the Stool to George III
1760–1761: John Stuart, 3rd Earl of Bute
1761–1770: Francis Hastings, 10th Earl of Huntingdon
1770–1775: George Hervey, 2nd Earl of Bristol
1775–1782: John Ashburnham, 2nd Earl of Ashburnham
1782–1796: Thomas Thynne, 3rd Viscount Weymouth
1796–1804: John Ker, 3rd Duke of Roxburghe
1804–1812: George Finch, 9th Earl of Winchilsea
1812–1820: Charles Paulet, 13th Marquess of Winchester
Grooms of the Stool to George IV
1820–1830: Charles Paulet, 13th Marquess of Winchester
Grooms of the Stool to William IV
1830–1837: Charles Paulet, 13th Marquess of Winchester
Grooms of the Stool to Prince Albert
1840–1841: Lord Robert Grosvenor
1841–1846: Brownlow Cecil, 2nd Marquess of Exeter
1846–1859: James Hamilton, 1st Duke of Abercorn
1859–1861: John Spencer, 5th Earl Spencer
Grooms of the Stool to The Prince of Wales
1862–1866: John Spencer, 5th Earl Spencer
1877–1883: Sir William Knollys
1883–1901: James Hamilton, 2nd Duke of Abercorn
P.S. if you do attend or participate in the games please bring a radiation suit as being roasted alive is no laughing matter. Please reshare or pass this on to your friends as there is already a huge cover up and censorship operation in place!
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