Irish Time

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Olympics London 2012 , An Indecent Proposal : LET THEM EAT ARSEBISCUITS !

The English Viceroy in British Occupied Ireland like his predecessors, over the last 40 years have always collaborated and sought the advice of Lord Muck of Londonderry in times of crisis. Currently there are several matters of British national interest that are causing grave concern on which they have consulted Lord Muck. 

With the impending Olympic Games in London and Al-Qaida in Yemen boasting that they are manufacturing hundreds of new underwear dirty bombs for Olympic London, there is a security nightmare as to how exactly the British can politely search inside the underwear and inside the anus of the millions of visitors to their Olympic Games of London 2012 while maintaining a stiff upper lip. 

There is also a the nightmare scenario on how to prevent widespread rioting in London and British Occupied Ireland, with millions of starving people on the streets, as a result of austerity and all of the people's money spent, bailing out the bankers of the City of London. The British aristocracy fear a return to the feral rioting of last Summer in both London and British Occupied Ireland and while their paramilitary police, have preemptively arrested several human rights activists and interned them without trial in British Occupied Ireland, the collaboration and pleas to Lord Muck for advice and assistance are critical.

There are also concerns that there are many other versions of dirty nuke underwear and dirty butt bombs in the pipeline to London 2012 , with teams of bomb makers on assembly lines, specially manufacturing them for the Olympics. U.S. security and members of Congress have briefed the public. Rep. Mike McCaul, R-Texas, a member of the Homeland Security Committee said "They have a team of engineers, scientists and doctors. It's a little spooky. In my view, it’s very likely they have produced more of these."

A further problem that has arisen for the British in Occupied Ireland in that child rape and abuse as rampant as ever in the British enabling culture to recruit agents still active. Indeed the British Viceroy Pervert Paterson himself was recently spotted sneaking around toilets not too far from the Kincora Boys home, where Britain's largest loyalist political party was born. Lord Muck of Londonderry was also recently spotted giving a tour guide to British Officials inspecting his City for the 2013 UK Cultural City games most of their activities focused on convent toilets of the Sisters of Mercy's schools for young girls under fourteen where British Sinn Fein cut their teeth.

So essentially with nukes and dirty bombs already on their merry anus way to Olympic London 2012, with millions of arseholes to be inspected, widespread starvation expected on the scale of the great British engineered holocaust which ethnically cleansed Ireland of 6 million Irish commoners and mass riots expected, the British were  pleading on their knees with Lord Muck, for once reversing role play, in this very intimate londgstanding relationship with Lord Muck.

You see lord Muck was made Groom of the Stool by her majesty the Queen of England during her Irish visit last year. The royal appointment of Lord Muck meant he had to follow her around Ireland with a portable bog and lick her arse, after every royal bowel movement. Centuries of arse licking being in the DNA of his Irish bloodline and 40 years of practice making him an arselicker supreme, hence his appointment to the centuries old English tradition of royal "Groom of the Stool."

Lord Muck's Indecent Proposal ;

”I have been assured by a very knowing Lord of my acquaintance in Londonderry, that the arsebiscuit of a young healthy child well nursed is at a year old a most delicious, nourishing, and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled ...” 

- Viceroy Pervert Paterson of British Occupied ireland

Lord Muck ; "I do therefore offer it to public consideration, that of the hundred and twenty thousand Irish children already computed in child abuse, twenty thousand may be reserved for breed, whereof only one-fourth part to be males; which is more than we allow in British Occupied Ireland to sheep, black cattle or swine; and my reason is, that these children are seldom the fruits of marriage, in British Occupied Ireland 2012, with the breakdown of society and abject poverty, a circumstance not much regarded by our savages, therefore one male will be sufficient to service four females.

That the remaining hundred thousand may, at a year old, be offered in the sale to the persons of quality such and fortune such as foxhunters, Lords, ladies and bankers throughout the kingdom; always advising the mother to let them suck plentifully on their teats in the last month, so as to render them with plump and fat arsebiscuits for a good table. A child will make two dishes of arsebiscuits as an entertainment for friends; and when the family dines alone, they will be curried to make a reasonable dish, and seasoned with a little pepper or salt will be very good boiled on the fourth day, especially in winter.

Infant's arsebiscuits will be in season throughout the year, but more plentiful in March, and a little before and after; for we are told by a grave author, an eminent French physician, that fish being a prolific diet, there are more children born in Roman Catholic countries about nine months after Lent than at any other season; therefore, reckoning a year after Lent, the markets will be more glutted than usual, because the number of popish infants is at least three to one in this kingdom: and therefore it will have one other collateral advantage, by lessening the number of papists among us by keeping them busy producing arse biscuits instead of fornicating
So the solution to both impending famine and Papish over population is:


Some interned human rights activists  and persons of a desponding spirit in British occupied Ireland have voicec concern about that vast number of poor people, who are aged, diseased, or maimed, and I have been desired to employ my thoughts what course may be taken to ease the British of so grievous an encumbrance. But I am not in the least pain upon that matter, because it is very well known that they are every day dying and rotting by cold and famine in British Occupied Ireland, and filth and vermin, as fast as can be reasonably expected.

As for  the young Irish laborers, they are now in as hopeful a condition; they cannot get work, and consequently pine away for want of nourishment, to a degree that if at any time they are accidentally hired to common labor, they have not strength to perform it; and thus Britain and themselves will happily bedelivered from the evils to come by not being born as their ancestors will be usefully employed in arse biscuit production.

I have also decided that the competition to be Britain's biggest arsehole between myself, Pervert Paterson and that 22 carat arsehole Boris Johnson that Tory gormless blond Etonian gonk of a Lord Mayor of London. Pervert Paterson the UDR Orangeman with his piss brained idea to bring back political internment without trial in Ireland to start the 40 year old war all over again. I am not pleased he keeps overuling Stormont, judges and my British Sinn Fein party nor am I happy with that Boris arsehole calling my party lefty crap, we are as blue as any Tory.

You may think it unfair to call that British Viceroy in Ireland, Pervert Paterson but perverting the course of English, Canadian and Irish law, is a criminal offence in which someone prevents justice from being served on himself or on another party. It is an offence carrying a maximum sentence of life imprisonment.  Disposing of evidence especially a Queen's pardon is conspiring with another to pervert the course of justice
which leads to the political internment without trial of Marian Price. Clearly her majesty's un-elected Royal arsehole Pervert Paterson is a pervert of justice indeed some of my former Irish republican  friends have said  that her majesty herself is also a Pervert of Justice.

So I have decided that the competition to be Britain's biggest arsehole be hotted up and extended to the Olympic Games of London as an official Olympic sport in the form of arsebiscuit retrieval. In other word the competitor who acquires the greatest number of arsebiscuits will win the gold medal. Training for this event will commence at all of Britain's airports and seaports. This will resolve Britain's security nightmare, ensuring that every arsehole who enters London 2012 for the Olympic Games be they tourist, athlete or official, will have their arsehole thoroughly examined with thousands of rasping tongues.

This will also resolve the problem of  the last century, where considerably more than a million Irish children were raped or abused in British Occupied Ireland while their mothers and sisters turned their backs, looked the other way and pretending it wasn't happening and enabled it to continue on the small island of the incestious peeping windows. The Official Olympic Sport of Arsebiscuits will also resolve this problem bringing transparency and regulation. Further with depopulation resulting from the British Olympic sport of arselicking, replacing fornication, British and Roman Catholic sponsorship of child rape and abuse.

I have too long digressed, and therefore shall return to my subject proper. I think the advantages by my proposal are obvious and many, as well as of the highest importance.

Firstly, it will greatly lessen the number of papists, with whom we are yearly overrun, being the principal breeders of the nation as well as our most dangerous enemies; and who stay at home on purpose with a design to deliver the British kingdom to the Pope, hoping to take their advantage by the absence of so many good protestants, who have chosen rather to leave their country than stay at home and pay bank bailouts against their conscience to an episcopal curate.

Secondly, The poorer tenants will have something valuable of their own in arsebisuits, which by law may be made liable to distress and help to pay their landlord's rent, their corn and cattle being already seized along time ago and money a thing unknown to them anymore .

Thirdly, Whereas the maintenance of an hundred thousand children is arsebiscuit production, from two years old and upward, cannot be computed at less than a hundred pounds per annum, the nation's stock will be thereby increased fifty thousand pounds per annum, beside the profit of a new dish introduced to the tables of all gentlemen of fortune in the kingdom who have any refinement in taste. And the money will circulate among ourselves, the goods being entirely of our own growth and manufacture.

Fourthly, The constant breeders, beside the monetary gain by the sale of their children for arsebiscuit production, will be rid of the charge of maintaining them after the first year.

Fifthly, This food would likewise bring great custom to taverns; where the vintners will certainly be so prudent as to procure the best receipts for dressing it to perfection, and consequently have their houses frequented by all the fine gentlemen, who justly value themselves upon their knowledge in good eating: and a skilful cook, who understands how to oblige his guests, will contrive to make it as expensive as they please.

Sixthly, This would be a great inducement to marriage, which all wise nations have either encouraged by rewards or enforced by laws and penalties. It would increase the care and tenderness of mothers toward their children thus preventing child abuse, when they were sure of a settlement for life to the poor babes, provided in some sort by the public, to their annual profit instead of expense.

We should see an honest emulation among the married women, which of them could bring the fattest child to the market. Men would become as fond of their wives during the time of their pregnancy as they are now of their impovrished hounds, their cows in calf, their sows when they are ready to farrow; nor offer to beat or kick them (as is too frequent a practice) for fear of a miscarriage.

Many other advantages might be enumerated. For instance, the addition of some thousand carcasses in our exportation of barreled beef, the propagation of swine's flesh, and improvement in the art of making good bacon, so much wanted among us by the great destruction of pigs, too frequent at our tables; which are no way comparable in taste or magnificence to a well-grown, fat, yearling child, which roasted whole will make a considerable figure at a lord mayor's feast or any other public entertainment. But this and many others I omit, being studious of brevity.

With thanks to Dean Swift for his considerable assistance.

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