Irish Time

Thursday, June 7, 2012

John Bullscutter Olympics London 2012










Ding, dong, it`s Phock O`Clock! Pop Big Ben into the vibe. Screw and slide the chunky erection ring ring to the base of Big Ben's penis with stimulation facing forward. Press the timing device to start the vibrator and press again and again and again ! Ah go on ! faster and faster!. Ding-dong-dedero-ding-ding-dong- ...! Use Big Benny with or without a condom. Sit on his face and tell him that you love him ! New Hong Kong replaceable batteries last for up to two hours. Shag 3 speeds with a powerful vibe Strong erection band with replaceable Hong Kong batteries Vibrates for two hours, waterproof for the Thames with perfect Big Ben timing. Tick, tock, tick...


One rule of thumb with phucking and fighting is, crazy can overcome skill and phucking numbers, because, while a trained fighter may enjoy fighting another trained fighter, no one but no one really wants to wrestle with a crazy phucker. Crazy phuckers fighting and phucking don't know when they are winning or when they are bet. Crazy don't know when to give up and stop fighting or phucking. If you can't pull off crazy, for example, when you're in a Keizer love fest in a room with with six bi-women, stupid may be a decent substitute for crazy.

So what about this Keiser phucker in the video above, sounds real to me or is he just another crazy phucker, I don't know but I would mind meeting that co-host, intelligent, sexy Stacy. She reminds me of Panjit.  I remember it was back in July 1998. It was my first day in Phuket and I was sipping jasmine-tea on a veranda, as I stared at the early morning mist on the hill across from the hotel.


Just in front of me some tourists were getting off their bus and one had an Asian face. I took a good look, dialled and waited for her mobile phone to ring. She reached for her mobile in her bag and answered my call. ”I’m here at Hotel Bangtao, where are you?” Her voice in English was the same as what I heard from her mobile.”Not very far, look to your right,” I answered. She turned to where I was sitting and waved her hand.


”Welcome to Phuket ! I’m your tour guide,” Panjit gave her hand. “You’re much younger than I expected,” said Panjit in a very friendly way. I was expecting some kind of old age man,” she joked with a lingering look.
We had coffee in the restaurant. Later we rode a motorbike, I rented to enjoy a ceremony on the the sand at Layan beach. When we split, she told me later, she would return to the hotel in the morning. I looked at Panjit’s eyes and at her cute facial features and her fresh lips.

”Are all Thai female tour guides as cute as you are?”  I said.

”Are all Irish males as straight forward as you are?” said Panjit with a welcome eye movement.

Immediately we were attracted to each other, with love bits growing once we realized we were both unattached. Next day was a bustling day among foreign tourists in Phuket Town and local markets. The local monks looked busy, caring for people who came before them with their offerings. Smoke from their burning aromathic incense was scenting a fresh evening sea breeze. Later we walked the bridge from  Phuket island to the mainland. Once upon a time..,” Panjit started, ”there was a young couple, a husband and wife whom their parents did not approve their marriage, because the husband was poor and as result were ostracized, which made their life together impossible. Panjit……,” I pushed her face close to mine as I had pulled her closer from the cool night air. I put my finger on Panjit's lips.

”Ssh! Don't tell me now, I want to listen to the whole story later from you”

Panjit was upset.

”You know what makes you wonderful tonight?” I asked

”What?”

”The complete moon on your sweet Thai smile.” Panjit smiled but it was interrupted as my lips landed on hers spontaneously. She did not resist. The pale light of the moon and the breeze made us intimately attached to each other.


The horizons of the east, are a  collection of fascinating colours at dawn for me. Panjit leaned against  me as we both stared at a Phuket sunrise, with the wide spread of sand and sea, behind us. Later we climbed on our bike, as we made our way from Phuket Town towards Patong. As we climbed a very steep hill on our approach, we both noticed, there was considerable soil movement and landslides.I dropped a few gears and kicked in some juice to try take us away from the landslide on the hill.


Next thing I knew was that local people and monks stood together trying to prevent me from sliding down over 300 meters to recover Panjit's body. ”Panjit!” I shouted in panic but she was still rolling down fast. Tourists standing at the top of the road could see her poor body bump over and over against the steep and rocky hillside. As I tried to make my way down for Panjit, I was firmly held by other worried tourists. It was too dangerous as I burst into tears, I broke the crowd and found my way down. ”Panjit!” I shouted hysterically.


 The accident attracted a lot of attention. Some people searched for Panjit in a safe way. I was eventually asked to stay and wait at the foot of the hill. I was desperate and I just couldn't believe Panjit had disappeared like that. After the crowds were scattered and gone for what seemed hours, there was no news as I was left alone at the foot of the hill, devastated. ”Hey are you looking for me?” I was shocked and surprised by a voice from behind me. I turned around. Panjit was there on top of a mount of clay and stones. I stared in disbelief!.


”Panjit!” I hugged her in sheer relief. ”Are you alright? How can you be here without serious injury?." I examined her body, she had no serious injury besides a few scratches on her arm face but she had a strange aura about her which I thought was the result of shock from the fall. The motor bike was write off at the foot of the hill. ”I was fell down, banging along the rough surface down. Fortunately l landed safely over her there, and I made my way safely down to you.” said Panjit oblivious to the lethal nature of the fall.


”People are looking for you everywhere, trying to rescue you,” I said.


”They may have taken the wrong way,” said Panjit ”Why don’t we just get back to the hotel? I need treatment for scratches and to clean up, let's get a tuk tuk.”


When we got off the tuk tuk at the hotel, I had to help Panjit, as she could not walk properly.


”Let's get a doctor. We should go straight to a hospital,” I urged.


”I’m ok just a little shocked, help me wash up,” said Panjit.


I took off all Panjit’s clothes at her request in my hotel room, not a bruise, cut or any wound, which seemed a miracle to me. I could not stop and wonder how fortunate Panjit was and how she could have ended up with a broken neck with severe cuts. I showered her gently with warm water and towel dried her. I could not but admire her perfect beauty without clothes on her skin. She ws stunning, I could not take my eyes off her.

”Now make it fair,” said Panjit. ”You stand in front of me with nothing on.”

I did not refuse. I slowly removed everything I was wearing. Panjit held me tightly in her arms and led me my bed. We melted into each other with Panjit on top, in a gentle, slow, rhythm of love. A lusty day and night of lovemaking belonged entirely with us in a world of our own. Just before we slept, I asked her to finish her story of Phuket's bridge to theThai mainland. She told me that the newly married Thai young lovers, bound their hands together with cord and jumped from the bridge into the ocean far below, so that they would never be parted.


I opened my eyes in the morning. I reached for my watch, it was twelve noon. Panjit was not beside me. I pushed the cover away and tried to find Panjit in the hotel suite. She was not there. I got dressed and looked around. Panjit was not there, I asked the reception and asked everyone if they had seen Panjit. Eventually I was told that she had checked-out an hour ago and took a bus to the airport. I settled the bills and as I did so, staff handed me a piece of paper, saying “I am very sorry”. It was from Panjit.

I was frozen in disbelief ! Why did she leave? I got a taxi to the airport checking all terminals and ticket records but I could find no trace of Panjit. I could find no news whatsoever of Panjit. Later I got an e-mail from Panjit. “I am sorry, my darling. I did not run away from you, I  had to go,  I will call you as soon as I can.” I did not hear another thing from Panjit. The waiting was unbearable and devastating and I could not eat. I wanted to die Then I got another message from Panjit asking me to come and see her in Bangkok.


”Welcome to Bangkok, Sir ! You come to Bangkok at a perfect time. We will be celebrating Songkran tomorrow,” said the driver from the airport to the hotel address Panjit  had given me ! I knew Songkran was a festival of spiritual cleansing by Thai Buddhists, who believe people purify each other, splashing water and getting themselves drenched. Panjit  was standing in the foyer waiting for me with a subdued smile but with an expression that could not hide her desperate longing. I gave her a very intimate hug. “ I miss you!. Chan kitteung khun!  Fuck you bitch, you left me standing there frozen in time” I said in tears!.

“I am so, so, sorry.” Panjit held me so tight.

That night I was both ecstatic and in agony, as Panjit did not give a hint of physical warmth in bed. She fell asleep, after a detached kiss. I was waiting naked all night beside Panjit, expecting the gentle, lusty love making, we had already known. It did not happen and when morning came Songkran started. The joyful, noisy and wet Songkran outside on the street, made Panjit smile just a little. People splashed water on each other no matter who they were.


”Are you ready to get soaking wet?” asked Panjit. ”I will be out in a moment” I agreed but noticed that Panjit got more and more pale, which momentarily explained why Panjit had no passion for lovemaking the night before.


”I must tell you, this Songkran will be very, very frightening for me.” said Panjit.


”Why is that? Is'n’t everybody  happy?” I said.


”Not this one,” whispered Panjit, squeezing my hand with a sad face.


Just then some people with buckets full of water splashed Panjit and I  with water. I  yelled as the cold water hit me. People happily soaked us more and more. I was very wet and I was shocked when I  turned to Panjit. Not one drop of water touched Panjit’s clothes or skin. ”How is it you are dry?”  I asked Panjit but she never answered me. She just smiled at me as her face quickly changed from pale, to a stunning aura or halo effect. Her face got brighter and brighter, I was mesmerized as the splashing water, now made her wet but the water seemed to just pass through her and the more she got splashed, the brighter and more invisible she became.


”Panjit?” I cried as I tried to touch her bright image.


”Now it’s time for me to go, my love. I died instantly at the foot of that hill, from the fall that day. They found my body but my spirit has always been with you, because I am always loving you and I will always miss you from the moment we met” she said in a very gentle, soft voice.


”Please get a bucket of water and splash me, it will make my leaving perfect.” said Panjit. Initially i refused to believe what she just said. Then with a broken heart and tears rolling down my face, I took a bucket of water and gave Panjit a splash as she wished for.  I could  see Panjit smile with the splash as she faded away until she became completely invisible.

I collapsed crying on the side of the street when eventually I was helped up. ”What is the matter with you, Sir? I watched you talking to yourself and splash water into empty space. Be happy in Songkran. Thai people believe this, when we splash to each other and help purify each other”

Since that time I have always been with detached love !






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