Irish Time

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Analingus Arse Lickin Lizzy's Lord Muck of Londonderry's Secret Handshake

Some more poo sucking of Lizzie Dingdong with the ultimate art of arse licking and brown nosing by Lord Muck of Londonderry

Lord Muck noticed the queen starting to get up off the toilet hole, putting her whole weight on top of the slave she was using for a footrest, which resulted in a cry of pain. Like the practiced arselicker royal that he had become, he was terrified of the queen, not daring to say anything to her. She was obviously ready to have her arse licked clean, as she leaned over in front of him, having moved her dirty arse until he could reach her dirty arsehole with his tongue. Even Lord Muck was shocked at how bad her smell was and he was overwhelmed with a feeling, to pull his tongue away from such a degrading job but he was after all despite his title no more than a pathetic slave to the royal household.

He started to lick around her outer arsehole first, making sure he licked every arsebiscuit of foul tasting shite around it, as he would be in serious trouble if his gobshite failed to clean the queen properly.He licked as rapidly as he was able while swallowing copius amounts of arsebiscuits but unfortunately the queen wasn't happy with his workrate and moved her arse away, turning around and looking straight at him with anger and disgust, she screeched in an outraged tone, “Hurry up Muck you disgusting creature, if you are to be a proper 'Arse Licking-Lizzy' it means you will do anything for promotion. I don't have all day to wait for a pathetic peasant like you to clean me. If I have to tell a brown noser like you who has licked so much arse to get a title like Lord Muck of Londonderry, with all that shit on your nose, while you stink of shit, to hurry up again, I will have you hung up by your tiny nuts in the courtyard and seriously whipped.” She then called over one of her pretty maids and told her to start slapping Lord Muck's face as hard as she could, to remind to Lord Muck to perform his arse cleaning job faster.

The young maid with an evil smile, said with great joy, “with pleasure your majesty” as she started to slap the sides of his face with venom. Lord Muck couldn't do anything to protect himself from the unrelenting blows but just groan in pain as each slap caught him painfully on the sides of his face, making his eyes water as his cheeks burned while he was slapped over and over. He had been arselicking so long, he realized begging the queen for mercy would result in even more punishment and the queen was not for giving any mercy to either castles catholics or slaves with poo on their nose from Londonderry.So with a stinging face of pain he had no choice but to take his medicine of relentless blows until the queen said stop, as he was now only half conscious,
“Now you stupid shit sucking creature, if you don't put more effort into it, then I will have you whipped to an inch of your life” and with that she leaned over again, placing her half cleaned arsehole in front of his out streached tongue. He frantically started licking her again, as fast as he could. He licked so much to get the job done, that he started to have even more shit on his nose and they stank of shit too.The smell and taste of the queens dirty arsehole was still almost unbearable but the fear of upsetting his queen made him lick, even as his tongue was throbbing in pain. However a lifetimes habit of brown nosing in British Occupied Ireland, made him persevere with licking and swallowing every arsebiscuit of the queen's filthy dirty arse, until she was fully satisfied, so she then stood up and stepped off her foot rest slave, onto the floor as her maids let down her dress down.

The queen turned around looking down at her footrest slave, who was lifting himself back up on his hands and knees to crawl behind her but he didn't get up fast enough for the queen, so she ordered the pretty maid who had slapped Lord Muck the royal arselicker into semi-consciousness just moments ago, to kick the footrest slave as he lay on the ground, as hard as she could. The young maid had another evil smile as she proceeded to kick the side of the slave with such force, that it made him cry out in agony. Lord Muck was certain he heard the footrest slave's ribs crack, as the malicious maid's boots hit him with all the force she had. However his lifetime's habits and his own problems mean't he really did not care very much, as he'd learnt himself as a young butcher in Londonderry, it was every slave for himself in the castle of his brit queen.

In fact he learned very young that when London was added to his Irish city's name of Derry, that it had created a vicious city of arse lickery and that when he himself began arse licking a bowler hatted orangeman, who then began to arse lick another, it provoked further arse licking. The result was a tear in the fabric of Irish space and time and the circle became large enough to be known as the UK city of culture in 2013. It was Lord Muck's creation and he enjoyed it so much, that he once exclaimed. I say our fella, I love hanging around with these sectarian orangemen so much, they think I'm a god. I better hang around with them some more, so they worship me more than their queen. An Orangeman who overheard him said to his colleague: "Lord Muck is so pucker, hanging round with us proddy plebs in our Orange free state, we better keep worshipping him so he doesn't leave us. Oh the shame, we have created a city circle of arse lickery and now the universe and empire as we have always known it will cease to exist."

The queen who had been made aware of all of this by her MI5 secret agents, felt she had left this would be secret hand shaker under no illusions about her court's protocol,secret photographs, handshakes or not this queen was not for moving or changing centuries of royal protocol.

Muck you arrogant buffoon have now learned !

1. Lower your head,

2 Place your hands on the sides of your skirt and gently hold it out sideways. If your dress is too narrow, hold your hands out at your sides, palms upward.

3 Extend your right foot behind the left, only a few inches so your right knee is slightly bent.

4 Bend your knees outward, rather than forward, and bow your head and shoulders slightly forward.

5 Gracefully bring yourself back to your original position.

She smirked with satisfaction as she now walked to the door followed closely behind again by her maids, while crawling behind in their rightful place on hands and knees were her slaves. Lord Muck watched the poor footrest slave struggling to keep up but due to his now broken ribs. Unfortunately for him the queen turned around, looked down at the pitiful human being, desperately trying to keep up and looking directly at Lord Muck of Londonderry barked out, “PSSNI ! Take this useless creature down to my dungeon where it belongs”. The PSNI who were standing outside came in and dragged the helpless slave who was begging in vain for mercy, away to start a new life of being shat on, in cold solitary confinement in a rotten royal dungeon by ladies of the queen's castle on her majesty's pleasure. The queen's entourage left the toilet, leaving him there once again in his newly created reality with a face still stinging and the taste of queen's arsebiscuits in his gobshite, which now started to dribble out of the side of his mouth. Lord Muck had now evolved from a firm handshake to a society of arse-licking people so far up each others arses that he was permanently entangled in a pretzel formation all filed of course under her Official Secret's Act !

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