Irish Time

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Richard Head Sailing in a Dangerous Anglo-Irish Sea







Mad Dogs and Englishmen in the Midday Irish Rain


TCDAVID3BULLETIN..EXTREMELY DANGEROUS STORM HEADING FOR NORTHERN IRELAND AND THE ANGLO IRISH SEA..AT 10 AM RMT..THE GOVERNMENT IN EXILE OF ROCKALL HAS ISSUED A STORM WARNING FOR PROVISIONAL IRELAND.A STORM WATCH AND GALES WARNING REMAIN IN EFFECT FOR THE ENTIRE NORTH EAST PENINSULA OF PROVISIONAL IRELAND FROM THE BORDER OF THE FREE STATE WEEPUBLIC TO THE SCOTTISH WEEPUBLIC..INCLUDING NEWRY.



Newry is a bit of a dump really. The beach is dirty but my women
usually want to stretch their legs after we pass the mouth of the Lagan and I usually have to get my bilge pump checked too. Mind you Newry was a lovely place once upon at time, when most of the demolition was completed.


Originally built by rich princes from Holland, who used it to import their merchandise and distribute it, they also used it for a clean weekend getaway where they built some beautiful houses out the Belfast Road.Now its very rundown, when I wander through the market, the women have all gone to the Chapel and the men gone to the pub or the local shebeen clubs.


There always seems to be a bloke following behind us after we arrive. He's usually got a dog on a piece of string. A very badly behaved beast usually I must say and a very dirty piece of string. I normally ask him in my best Anglo-Irish, if he knows anything about proper dogs and leads. They usually look puzzled so I bark like a bull terrier and flap my head about. They usually mutter something about mad dogs and Englishmen in the midday rain.


Sometimes a crowd gathers. 'Eirigi' says someone, and off we go through the market past a lot of run down houses, we come to a big shebeen. It's full of Neucks drinking the peoples whiskey, watching the BBC, shouting and singing on a stage in the centre. I tell them there's been a misunderstanding. My women and I have come to have a relationship with the natives, get to know them better, for a small fee.Thats when the fighting starts. Thats when you need the British Police. You can check it out for yourselves below this time.












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